He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
