At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
