I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
