Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
