the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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