everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
