I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
A+ Viking dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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