I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
