i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
