I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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