his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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