Whod you bang
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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