i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
