cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
