thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
