Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
