can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize