I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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