Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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