WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
