I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
