i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
