party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Randomize
