we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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