Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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