Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
