lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
