I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
