wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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