I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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