we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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