also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
