I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize