my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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