so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
