I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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