I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize