where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
