I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
