If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize