I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
