Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You're like the curious george of whores
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Pooping to opera.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
