so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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