She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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