Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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