you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
