Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
