Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
