Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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