I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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