i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
