I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
