From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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