she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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