I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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