I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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