This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
