i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
