I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
