Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
