You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
