I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
