after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
