There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
