Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
