i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
