I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize