so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
